New jokes added 7-31-2015
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The Whore of Babylon, the Beast, and the False Prophet
Last weekend while meditating on scripture God revealed to me that the secret to prophecy in the book of Revelation is in the stars. I dream and have visions alot about the stars. A lot of the Book of Revelation mentions the stars. The main thing that I want to explain that God revealed to me scared me. It has to do with the woman and the beast with many heads that she sits upon. There is a new world order approaching. It is right in front of our face but we are blinded from it purposefully by those knowing powers and authorities. This may all seem like a conspiracy theorists rant by the end of it but I assure you that I am no conspiracy theorist, nor do I worry myself with such things as conspiracies, world powers, illuminati, masons, or politics.
In the sky are many constellations. One of those constellations is Hydra. The mythological beast with many heads. When one is cut off it grows back. Such as the beast with many heads, "one was wounded but its wound was healed". See where im going with this yet? Hang in there, it gets better. There are four constellations that sit on Hydras back. I will start with the tail. At the tail is Noctura.
Noctura is an owl. In jewish legend the owl represents lilith, Adam's first wife that would not submit to him. She is also reffered to as a bit of a demon whore. One who practices scorceries and addulturies. Sound familiar yet? Look up Bohemian grove. There is a Bohemian grove club that gets together and performs rituals while worshipping a huge owl statue. Who are the members of this club? Many are politicians and rich people. Authorites and rulers of this world.
Going up the back of hydra we find Corvus and Crater. The raven and the Cup. There is a raven society that claims to be part of the illuminati. The raven also represents sorcery throughout history. The cup is the cup that the world drank from. The whore of babylon that practiced scorceries and the world drank from her cup of adulteries. That accounts for three of the four constellation, the best is yet to come.
So what constellation is at the head of this great beast with many heads? The sextans constellation. The constellation is named so after a sextant, an astranomical viewing devise. Freemasons incorporate the sextant with the ruler in their symbol with the square. So who is at the head of this great serpent? The Freemasons. Or many would say the Illuminati. See I told you that this would sound like a conspiracy theorist's rant.
So who are the Illuminati? Supposedly they are made up of those who are called "the globalist elite". Those who comprise the worlds authorities. Elite rich family bloodlines that control the banks, the media, the currency and our governments. A couple of those families that have ties with the globalist elite are Mcdonalds, and Disney. Paranoid yet? Or are you in disbelief? Do some research and look into it. I'm not paranoid about all of this, but it opens my eyes to what may be going on around me in the world behind the veil. It shows that the times spoken of in the book of revelation is here and that the beast with the whore of babylon are present in the world today.
As for the beast that the whore sits upon we can look back to daniel chapter 7. It is laid out in broad daylight who the beast represents. In Daniel's dream he saw 4 beasts. The last beast is no concern to us right now. The first three beasts however are. One look liked a lion, the other a bear, and the last a leopard. These beasts represented three different kingdoms. The Greek, persian, and babylonian, which today make up the middle east. The beast in Revelation chapter 13 is described as appearing as a leopord, with the feet of a bear, and the mouth of a lion. So there it is. This beast is the middle east. The false prophet goes along with the beast. It would be my assumption that the false prophet is Muhammad. He denies Jesus to have ever have died on the cross, and denies him as the son of God. His prophecy is false, and he has raised up a religion in violence, and agaist God's people, Jew and Christian alike. Muhammad may have not started out this way in the beginning but as the Quran goes on it begins to condradict the teachings found in the bible. The beast is the middle east, along with Islam. All of this is in plain site. We live in the final hours of the beginning of the end.
Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realize they'll have to inform his wife.
Bob says he's good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job.
After two hours he returns, carrying a large pizza. "So did you tell her?" asks Jeff.
"Yep", replies Bob.
"Say, where did you get the pizza?"
Bob informs Jeff. "She bought it for me."
"WHAT??" exclaims Jeff, "you just told her her husband died and she bought you a pizza?"
"Sure," Bob says.
"WHY?" asks Jeff.
"Well," Bob continues, "when she answered the door, I asked her, 'are you Steve's widow?' 'Widow?', she said, 'no, no, you're mistaken, I'm not a widow!' So I said: "I'll bet you a pizza you ARE
The Beginning of Life
In a recent Round-table Discussion Group the question was asked of the Ministerial Panel, at what point does life begin.
The Baptist Preacher spoke first and said "At conception, of course!".
The Presbyterian Minister said "No, no, it's certainly begins at birth".
The Catholic Priest tried to buffer the obvious argument point and suggested "Perhaps you're both wrong, and it's a compromise in that the fetus is not functional with a heartbeat until the third month".
They had to prod the Jewish Rabbi for his answer, and he finally leaned forward to his mike and spoke softly "All of my friends here are wrong. Life begins when the last child leaves home, and the dog they left behind dies